Notes on Fresh Motherhood
Raw musings, lessons and reflections from the first four weeks in
Welcome, I’m Lindsay. The Slow Studio is a space I’ve created to write about my approach to slow(er) living as a design studio owner, multifaceted creative and first-time mother. Subscribe below to receive regular musings in your inbox, and keep up with me on Instagram, Pinterest and TikTok.
The thing about motherhood is it forces you to confront the parts of life you’ve previously rushed through. Autopilot turns off, presence steps in; it can feel wildly disorienting. After rushing through the last decade of my life focused on all of the ‘nexts’ – the next career step, business decision, big move, milestone – slowing down feels like a salve to the soul. Here’s to honoring and holding space for that.
I wrote the above words in the notes app on my phone during a 2 a.m. wake-up – but I wasn’t awake to feed my newborn daughter, Margot, who was soundly sleeping in her bassinet.
I was wide awake and replaying the days and moments that stood out most to me over the last four weeks, as my life has completely and irrevocably changed since becoming a mother.
And it’s changed for the better, with many invaluable learnings picked up and tucked into my back pocket along the way.
After reflecting, these are a few of the biggest lessons and observations I’ve gleaned from my days of fresh motherhood:
Worrying doesn’t equate to any amount of control
I spent my entire pregnancy in a perpetual state of worry, my body and nervous system bracing for the next “what if.” What if I miscarried? What if our anatomy scan revealed something devastating? What if I don’t enjoy being a mother, or worse, am terrible at it?
I convinced myself that if I worried enough and broadly through this season of life, I could hold some semblance of control over its outcome.
The truth is, bad things happen whether we worry incessantly about them – or not. I write this on the other side of a very unexpected and terrifying brush with postpartum preeclampsia, in which worrying about this complication did nothing to prevent me from experiencing it.
Motherhood has taught me to relinquish all control and to greet each new day with a clear, conscious mind.
It’s okay – and wonderful, even – to do less
As a chronic over-functioner and achiever, much of my life up to this point was measured by how much I could accomplish in a day. Days feel much slower and fragmented now, with hourly rhythms syncopated by naps, feedings and diaper changes.
Getting less done has been humbling, healing and entirely necessary.
Being a fully present parent for Margot demands my slowing down for the moment, and I’m fighting against any guilt or negative self-talk that arises because of that.
I’ve (finally) returned home to myself after a long journey away
The biggest surprise that has come along with this entry into motherhood is the fact that I feel more like “me” than I have in years. Feeling the organic urge to write again is a huge part of this – for so long I’d convinced myself that I was too busy to write, when putting pen to paper was my heart’s most natural inclination.
Writing feels more urgent now that I have a deep desire to capture the tender feelings from these early newborn days, along with the days to come.
Here’s to becoming more and more attuned and getting to relearn who I am after spending so many years disembodied from my core self.
